People who fit the status quo will never understand why someone would want to stand out from others in an unconventional way. The status quo exists because of human beings' base desire for hegemony, consistency, safety, security, predictability. When they see us, they're not offended by anything we did or said, but because we have disrupted their sense of what is right and safe in the world.
A modified person is on the margins, is unknown, and presumed to be "bad". Now take this person and place them in an everyday context, and suddenly every person they interact with is forced to confront or change what they believe to be true about the world or themselves. Say the modified person is you and you work in an office that receives clients. When the clients see you, the first thing that happens is that they are jolted into the present moment and they are sizing up whether they are in danger because pink hair and tattoos belong on wild, untrustworthy people. Yet, you are pleasant and professional. They start to warm up to you. Then they have to figure out whether their assumptions about pink hair and tattoos are true... And what comes next is that they fear losing credibility with their peers for accepting and trusting you. For example, your boss has accepted you, but is still concerned that you might "offend" someone by how you present yourself.
Conventional people have found security and identity in fitting in and competing for attention within the acceptable parameters set by conservative, white, educated, financially privileged men. These parameters dictate not just standards of beauty, but also gender expressions, competitiveness, visibility, and opportunity. When you're modified you are challenging ALL of those things AT ONE TIME. Sensory overload can cause people to switch off and refuse to acknowledge your presence, let alone your level of professionalism, your drive, your accomplishments, or your talents.
There are certain body modifications, as you mentioned, that have become acceptable among conventional people. But notice, these modifications are the type that conform to accepted standards of beauty. This is important because it's not the modification of the body that is unacceptable, it's whether or not the result facilitates your fitting in. Fashionable hair styles, breast augmentations, false eyelashes, acrylic nails, and Botox make women more appealing to the status quo man. They are rewarded for this with more attention from more successful men with more material wealth. They are rewarded with jobs because they can mold themselves into anyone's ideal candidate. These modifications reduce the person's risk of rejection.
There are so many rewards that people who benefit from fitting in ignore the limitations. There are limits set on how you can express your sexuality, what body type you have to obtain or maintain, what kind of movies or music you listen to, what to read, how to vote, what your opinion is, and ultimately your whole belief system. These are people who are constantly seeking cues from others that they are doing what they are supposed to and fulfilling the expectations of membership to their group.
You talk of needing to express yourself, and at some level everyone has this need. But the way you express yourself is outside the boundaries of what "normal" people have found safety in. Though it feels like people are shutting you out, it's more likely you already existed completely outside their paradigm. You're probably a misfit.
If that's true, you probably have been a misfit your whole life, and have not benefitted much from the rewards of the status quo. People deal with being a misfit in a variety of ways. Many obsessively dedicate their lives to fitting in. Some hide in a shell and come off as awkward. A few people have embraced it and given up pursuing what most of society values.
Like you, I find this approach to life both liberating and frustrating. Liberating because I no longer feel compelled to compete in our culture's wet t-shirt contest of a life. Liberating because I have access to my creative mind and my soul; I can express myself in an astounding variety of ways, even if I can't always be understood. That brings me to the frustrating part. I am frustrated that so many people are living two-dimensional lives and punishing themselves for not being like "normal" people. It's frustrating that people accuse me of attention-seeking while showering adoration on some undeserving twit with dyed-blonde hair and plastic tits. Being judged is frustrating as hell, but the benefits to being a misfit far outweigh the consequences.
Having stood out like a sore thumb through no fault of my own for most of my life, I got comfortable being on the margin. From this vantage point I figured there's no sense in torturing myself to fit in. If I'm an oddball no matter what, I may as well just express myself however I feel like it. I'm comfortable in my own pierced and tattooed skin regardless of whether someone near me isn't. I'm free to try new things without fear of rejection, without worrying that I might lose social status. I don't have to compromise my opinions to get along.
Unless we're talking about work... Like you I struggle with how much I can be myself at work. I chose to "tone it down" to get this job, yet no matter what I do I can't "pass" for normal. I have an inner cabin fever at work because I am surrounded by beige cubicles inhabited by uncreative, repressed, linear-thinking, tie-wearing dullards who are all scrambling through the same maze looking for cheese that's not there. I can't help but push buttons and ask the questions people don't want to think about.
I am glad to hear you are sticking to your guns so fiercely - it is inspiring! But even if you gave in and took out all your piercings, covered your tats, dyed your hair a natural color, you're still the same person. You'll always find ways to express yourself, you'll always be challenging the assumptions of others, you'll always be a misfit.
It's tough to be in a position where you are inadvertently challenging people every day, but take heart. Keep on being the truest version of yourself - you're a teacher. In each person you interact with, you are planting a little misfit seed that could potentially take root and even sprout into understanding. If you're lucky, maybe one person's seed will flower and they'll blossom into the fully realized person they're meant to be, and from them more seeds will be planted.
