Saturday, January 19, 2013

Annoying Shit My Husband Does

He asks me stupid questions. For example, I'll get up in the morning, take a pee, brush my teeth and come back out 5 minutes later. My husband will look over at me with my snarled oily hair in a lopsided ponytail with a halo of static electric frizz and ask if I just took a shower.

He puts his hat, wallet, keys, and phone in different places. These items get set down in DIFFERENT different places each day, and each day he will ask me where at least one of these items is. Yesterday he woke me up at 5:30 in the morning swearing up a storm because he couldn't find his wallet and wanted my help. He ended up being 45 minutes late for work, but he eventually found it... in a kitchen cupboard. Shit.You.Not. 

He asks me questions but pays no attention to my answers. He asks me questions, doesn't listen to the answers, and then has to repeat those questions. He asks me questions, doesn't listen to the answers, asks the same questions again and still misses the answers, and when he asks the third or fourth time, he doesn't understand why I'm getting bent out of shape and refusing to answer him.  To add insult to injury, he refuses to acknowledge that he doesn't listen to me. 

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