I Got a Man

And he's rediculous. 

Every time I get engrossed in something, a movie or tv show or anything, he starts up this pain in the ass routine. 

First he'll test my interest level to see if I'll give in and let him change the channel to something he wants to watch. If this fails he'll start sulking around the apartment, go outside, come back in, go outside again. Then he sarts in with the whining, "I'm BORED..." "Well then watch this with me." Maybe he'll sit down, but he'll flip open his phone and get on the internet, and despite the fact I've already said nine times "I'M WATCHING THIS," he'll go, "Hey babe, check this out, if we switch to this phone company we can get two phones and yak yak yak..." Or, "Babe, listen to this: some political fund-raiser jumped bail meow meow..." OMG SHUT IT! I'm watching something!

So then I get "Fine," and he goes back outside. But only for two minutes. "Babe, turn on the weather channel, there's lighning." "Big deal, it's going to rain, I don't WANT to watch the weather channel, I'm watching this movie." "C'mon! I wanna see what the weather's doing!" "If you want to know what the weather's doing, then go stand in the fuckin' yard." Out he goes again. Five minutes later, here is, standing dripping wet in the middle of the living room with his arms held out to each side, "Babe, look I'm soaked. Last time I went outside I called the rain god a pussy, and now lookit, I'm all wet! Come on, get up and come outside with me, it's pouring..."

Seriously. I got to watch about 50% of my movie. He's lucky I've seen it already.

My man is not just rediculous when I'm trying to pay attention to something other than him, he's like this full time. EVERY DAY he asks me where his keys are, where his hat is, where his wallet went, have I seen his cigarrettes. Christ, he handles these items a hundred and fifty times each day, and he can't even manage to put them all together in the same place, much less find ONE place to drop all these things. Then again, this is a man who will stand IN FRONT OF A CLOCK and ask me WHAT TIME IT IS!

He'll also ask me questions and not listen to my answer. He asks me the same questions over and over, and he gets mad when I refuse to answer for the third, fourth, or fifth time. I tell him to rewind the tape in his brain, the answer's in there already, just look.

Did I mention he is ADD? OMG, if you only knew... He is and endless source of entertainment to be sure!