Heartstopper

I’ve heard it said (about a hundred million times) that “We’re only as sick as our secrets.” Well my dirty little secret is that I am hooked on celebrity gossip! As a Women’s Studies major I kept an eye on popular culture for cues about how “woman” as an idea gets translated to youth for the sake of deconstruction papers, but now I watch E! news and True Hollywood Stories compulsively. I read Google News’ entertainment section to catch up with Paris and Lindsay and Britney. But I HATE them! Why do I care? Why is it interesting?

It’s actually not interesting so much as it is sensational and mesmerizing. The flashing lights and bright colors are hypnotic, it just captivates my brain like a moth to a bare bulb, or a toddler to Sesame Street. I walk around knowing all this garbage about people and events I am a million miles away from, things that have no direct bearing on my life.

Instead of riding my bike or going for a walk, I watch the damn TV. I think this habit developed when I was depressed and isolated. Now when I’m sitting on my ass for ten hours straight, I think to myself, “What the fuck are you doing? Get UP and do something!” But I just sit there living vicariously through MTV programming like My Sweet 16 or Rob & Big.

I am 45 minutes away from my vacation from work and I feel doomed to repeat this nonsensical cycle of watching TV, laying around until it gets dark, and then feeling like shit until I go to sleep, only to get up and sloth around all day again. NO! I will not relax myself to death this week!

I hope that putting out this public exclamation will keep me accountable for channeling my energy creatively and constructively. I WILL bike. I WILL walk. I WILL NOT turn on the TV. I WILL go to meetings. I WILL go to the damn grocery store and get some damn healthy food and not cave into Mr. Stringbean’s myocardially infarctious menu suggestions!