I’ve heard it said (about a hundred million times) that “We’re only as sick as our secrets.” Well my dirty little secret is that I am hooked on celebrity gossip! As a Women’s Studies major I kept an eye on popular culture for cues about how “woman” as an idea gets translated to youth for the sake of deconstruction papers, but now I watch E! news and True Hollywood Stories compulsively. I read Google News’ entertainment section to catch up with Paris and Lindsay and Britney. But I HATE them! Why do I care? Why is it interesting?
It’s actually not interesting so much as it is sensational and mesmerizing. The flashing lights and bright colors are hypnotic, it just captivates my brain like a moth to a bare bulb, or a toddler to Sesame Street. I walk around knowing all this garbage about people and events I am a million miles away from, things that have no direct bearing on my life.
Instead of riding my bike or going for a walk, I watch the damn TV. I think this habit developed when I was depressed and isolated. Now when I’m sitting on my ass for ten hours straight, I think to myself, “What the fuck are you doing? Get UP and do something!” But I just sit there living vicariously through MTV programming like My Sweet 16 or Rob & Big.
I am 45 minutes away from my vacation from work and I feel doomed to repeat this nonsensical cycle of watching TV, laying around until it gets dark, and then feeling like shit until I go to sleep, only to get up and sloth around all day again. NO! I will not relax myself to death this week!
I hope that putting out this public exclamation will keep me accountable for channeling my energy creatively and constructively. I WILL bike. I WILL walk. I WILL NOT turn on the TV. I WILL go to meetings. I WILL go to the damn grocery store and get some damn healthy food and not cave into Mr. Stringbean’s myocardially infarctious menu suggestions!
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Hiding Out
Does anyone have a brown paper bag I can put over my head??
I have the nastiest cold sore I think I’ve ever had in my life. I’m sure my face could qualify for entry into the Mütter museum. My lip swelled up to FOUR TIMES it’s regular size! My landlord came by for the rent and I had to answer the door with this huge fat lip and he kept looking at it. He was probably trying to see if I’d been knocked around in a fight. Sadly, no, I just have herpes. Thank goodness I’m not a hooker or I’d be out of work for two weeks.
Ugh, this is so nasty. I feel like people are looking at me and thinking I’m some dirty ho, but I actually got it from drinking off my mom’s soda as a kid. I think I’ve been getting these since I was ten. A number of years ago I had a sore nearly as bad as the one I have now, and the blisters went so far off my lip I now also get them inside my nose. Those are actually preferable because NO ONE CAN SEE THEM.
I am so damn demoralized right now. Can I take calls from UNDER my desk today??
The good news is that I have to work only today, and then I have the rest of the week off to hide in my teeny apartment and clean. I initially had some lofty plans to drive all over and shop and picnic by myself, but we’re broke already and we just got paid Friday. It runs out so fast!
I have the nastiest cold sore I think I’ve ever had in my life. I’m sure my face could qualify for entry into the Mütter museum. My lip swelled up to FOUR TIMES it’s regular size! My landlord came by for the rent and I had to answer the door with this huge fat lip and he kept looking at it. He was probably trying to see if I’d been knocked around in a fight. Sadly, no, I just have herpes. Thank goodness I’m not a hooker or I’d be out of work for two weeks.
Ugh, this is so nasty. I feel like people are looking at me and thinking I’m some dirty ho, but I actually got it from drinking off my mom’s soda as a kid. I think I’ve been getting these since I was ten. A number of years ago I had a sore nearly as bad as the one I have now, and the blisters went so far off my lip I now also get them inside my nose. Those are actually preferable because NO ONE CAN SEE THEM.
I am so damn demoralized right now. Can I take calls from UNDER my desk today??
The good news is that I have to work only today, and then I have the rest of the week off to hide in my teeny apartment and clean. I initially had some lofty plans to drive all over and shop and picnic by myself, but we’re broke already and we just got paid Friday. It runs out so fast!
Friday, May 25, 2007
Crassworld Disclaimer
CRASS
–adjective, -er, -est.
1. without refinement, delicacy, or sensitivity; gross; obtuse; stupid: crass commercialism; a crass misrepresentation of the facts.
2. Archaic. thick; coarse.
adj. crass•er, crass•est
So crude and unrefined as to be lacking in discrimination and sensibility.
[Origin: 1535–45; (< MF) < L crassus thick, dense, fat, heavy ]
(swiped from dictionary.com)
FROM THE BILL OF RIGHTS
Amendment I
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or ABRIDGING the FREEDOM of SPEECH, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.
WARNING:
Contains adult content, crude language, and insults. Reader discretion advised for the thin of skin!
–adjective, -er, -est.
1. without refinement, delicacy, or sensitivity; gross; obtuse; stupid: crass commercialism; a crass misrepresentation of the facts.
2. Archaic. thick; coarse.
adj. crass•er, crass•est
So crude and unrefined as to be lacking in discrimination and sensibility.
[Origin: 1535–45; (< MF) < L crassus thick, dense, fat, heavy ]
(swiped from dictionary.com)
FROM THE BILL OF RIGHTS
Amendment I
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or ABRIDGING the FREEDOM of SPEECH, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.
WARNING:
Contains adult content, crude language, and insults. Reader discretion advised for the thin of skin!
Str8 iLLin'
I’ve been down with a nasty cold since Saturday… at 3:30 in the afternoon, to be exact. It hit me like a truck. Today is the first day I finally feel a little better, but I sound like hell and I don’t look so hot, either. In addition to the sore throat, stuffy head and cough, I’ve also been plagued with a wisdom tooth trying to move in and join the party. So the swollen sore throat combined with the swollen sore gums, and my jaw hurts. Basically, I feel like I swallowed a wad of steel wool, my airways are packed with glue, someone is standing on my chest and repeatedly kicking me in the face.
Then, you want to know what I did to make it worse? Tuesday morning I woke up for like the fifth time because I couldn’t breathe, and my jaw hurt so much I couldn’t stand it. I went to the freezer and wrapped an ice pack in a towel and took it to bed. The ice pack gave me enough relief to fall back asleep, but when I woke up I had developed the first stages of frostbite! My cheek was covered in puffy red blotches—what a dumbass! I called the nurse line after like 8 hours with no improvement and they told me not to put ANYthing on it, so I applied some aloe gel. It actually helped; the redness and puffiness nearly disappeared so I don’t have to go to work looking like a leper.
The RNs I’ve spoken with on these 24 hour nurse lines don’t seem to know jack shit. I ask fairly simple questions and I can never get a straight answer. How they manage to be practicing nurses without knowing any symptoms for any conditions is totally beyond my comprehension! The always have to look shit up, be it fainting, concussion, menstrual pains/abnormal bleeding, frostbite, colds, you name it! Every time I call I spend several minutes listening to “Ummm, let me look that up…uh, I think it’s this, I’m not sure…Um” and then they tell me to see the doctor. Well then what is their job, if it’s not troubleshooting health problems??
Enough about them, I’ve already given them too much of my time.
Then, you want to know what I did to make it worse? Tuesday morning I woke up for like the fifth time because I couldn’t breathe, and my jaw hurt so much I couldn’t stand it. I went to the freezer and wrapped an ice pack in a towel and took it to bed. The ice pack gave me enough relief to fall back asleep, but when I woke up I had developed the first stages of frostbite! My cheek was covered in puffy red blotches—what a dumbass! I called the nurse line after like 8 hours with no improvement and they told me not to put ANYthing on it, so I applied some aloe gel. It actually helped; the redness and puffiness nearly disappeared so I don’t have to go to work looking like a leper.
The RNs I’ve spoken with on these 24 hour nurse lines don’t seem to know jack shit. I ask fairly simple questions and I can never get a straight answer. How they manage to be practicing nurses without knowing any symptoms for any conditions is totally beyond my comprehension! The always have to look shit up, be it fainting, concussion, menstrual pains/abnormal bleeding, frostbite, colds, you name it! Every time I call I spend several minutes listening to “Ummm, let me look that up…uh, I think it’s this, I’m not sure…Um” and then they tell me to see the doctor. Well then what is their job, if it’s not troubleshooting health problems??
Enough about them, I’ve already given them too much of my time.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
WTF!!!
A new family moved into our 4plex yesterday—a family of SNAKES!! Jesus Christ! We saw three within an hour and I was ready to pack my shit and move out last night. I kept waking up to check and make sure there weren’t any snakes in the bed. I had to pee but I didn’t want to walk across the floor and step on one and get bit! Granted they’re just garden snakes and not poisonous, but they’ll still bite.
I was ok with the slap-nut apartment when it was just pressed-board window sills, two by four door frames, and loose/crooked electrical outlets. Even the ants and moths that come from everywhere I could live with—but I draw the fucking line at snakes! That’s it, I’m done!
Oh my god, I don’t even want to pack! I’m afraid to dig through the closets, under my dresser, the basement storage—UGH! SNAKES!!
The first one I saw was in the basement, which surprised me, but it wasn’t too alarming since you always find critters in the basement. This one had gotten himself stuck in the sticky mouse trap tray and was scheduled to die a slow and boring death so I had Hubby take him outside. Hopefully no other creatures will get glued trying to eat him… The second one was UPSTAIRS in the front hall about to slither under our apartment door! It took off in a flash and now resides under the hallway carpet. Then number three was right outside the door on the front steps and slithered away too.
My skin is still crawling, I’m all itchy and weirded out.
The first thing Hubby said was, “You want to move into my parents’ basement?” Without thinking I said, “Yes!” So he called them right up, but now I’m like, no way dude. I’m not about to move into my in-laws. Last summer we lived with my mom’s ex-husband out of financial desperation, and I quickly realized that we have way too much stuff to be confined to one room in someone’s house. Plus the fact that Hubby’s mom likes to be a little more helpful than what I can handle and it stresses me out sometimes.
I just want to magically come up with some extra money and get a new apartment.
I think I’m going to look for a weekend job since I never get magic money.
I was ok with the slap-nut apartment when it was just pressed-board window sills, two by four door frames, and loose/crooked electrical outlets. Even the ants and moths that come from everywhere I could live with—but I draw the fucking line at snakes! That’s it, I’m done!
Oh my god, I don’t even want to pack! I’m afraid to dig through the closets, under my dresser, the basement storage—UGH! SNAKES!!
The first one I saw was in the basement, which surprised me, but it wasn’t too alarming since you always find critters in the basement. This one had gotten himself stuck in the sticky mouse trap tray and was scheduled to die a slow and boring death so I had Hubby take him outside. Hopefully no other creatures will get glued trying to eat him… The second one was UPSTAIRS in the front hall about to slither under our apartment door! It took off in a flash and now resides under the hallway carpet. Then number three was right outside the door on the front steps and slithered away too.
My skin is still crawling, I’m all itchy and weirded out.
The first thing Hubby said was, “You want to move into my parents’ basement?” Without thinking I said, “Yes!” So he called them right up, but now I’m like, no way dude. I’m not about to move into my in-laws. Last summer we lived with my mom’s ex-husband out of financial desperation, and I quickly realized that we have way too much stuff to be confined to one room in someone’s house. Plus the fact that Hubby’s mom likes to be a little more helpful than what I can handle and it stresses me out sometimes.
I just want to magically come up with some extra money and get a new apartment.
I think I’m going to look for a weekend job since I never get magic money.
Monday, May 14, 2007
Trip To the Zoo
Hubby and I went to the zoo on Saturday on a whim and it was SO fun. We walked for three hours looking at all the animals. Boy howdy--do they STINK!! MAN! When we first got there I couldn't think of anything else and I kept saying it over and over, laughing like a moron, "Oh my god it smells so BAD."
My two faves were the Japanese snow monkeys and the aquariums. Primates are just so amazing and the fish were hilarious.
We saw little tiny baby monkeys and they were tearing around like crazy and pissing off the old crabby monkeys who were just trying to eat some ants. One old guy monkey got pissed and started screeching at the baby, so then mama ran over and gave him hell.
Later we saw a shark about 6 or 8 feet long with teeth for miles swimming around and slowly opening and closing his mouth. It seemed like all of a sudden he started swimming straight toward this lady sitting with her back to the glass, and much to Hubby's dismay I loudly proclaimed, "Look Hubby, he's going to eat the soccer mom!"
My two faves were the Japanese snow monkeys and the aquariums. Primates are just so amazing and the fish were hilarious.
We saw little tiny baby monkeys and they were tearing around like crazy and pissing off the old crabby monkeys who were just trying to eat some ants. One old guy monkey got pissed and started screeching at the baby, so then mama ran over and gave him hell.
Later we saw a shark about 6 or 8 feet long with teeth for miles swimming around and slowly opening and closing his mouth. It seemed like all of a sudden he started swimming straight toward this lady sitting with her back to the glass, and much to Hubby's dismay I loudly proclaimed, "Look Hubby, he's going to eat the soccer mom!"
Friday, May 11, 2007
Ha! Silly Bitchiz...
How funny is it that Paris Hilton thinks so highly of herself as to believe that getting her off her 45 day sentence would actually be a priority for the governor while southern California is burning to the fuckin' ground!
Another Weird Dream
I took a nap yesterday after work and I had a dream that there was a HUGE grizzly bear charging my house and I was watching from across the street. It was terrifying because the bear was the size of a minivan and just mad with rage. Here's what I found for dreams about bears:
"To dream that you are being pursued or attacked by a bear, denotes aggression, overwhelming obstacles and competition."
What does it mean that I wasn't home?? Good lord I think I need a head shrinker.
"To dream that you are being pursued or attacked by a bear, denotes aggression, overwhelming obstacles and competition."
What does it mean that I wasn't home?? Good lord I think I need a head shrinker.
Petty Stooge Idiot
I need to start taking an earlier bus in the morning. My current bus driver is an antagonistic jerk-ass.
Nearly every day he does something to piss me off, but it’s so petty I can’t call the bus company about it because they’ll tell me to piss up a rope. Every morning we all stand waiting at the bus stop sign at the beginning of the block, and even though the stop is at the beginning of the block, he just blows right past everyone and stops near the end of the block. Granted it’s only like 200 feet, but then everyone has to rush to the door so he won’t drive away without us. All along the route to the freeway he drives right past people waiting at bus stops who have to frantically flag him down, and then he slams on the breaks and people have to go running after him.
It was just this morning that I realized that it wasn’t just me being irritable at the crack of dawn. He nearly missed a stop (again) where a lone commuter was standing at the sign for the bus stop with his brief case in hand at the end of a residential street. When the bus came to a quick halt, the commuter boarded, and the bus driver had the nerve to say, “Man, you need to make an effort.” To which the ticked-off rider replied, “I did, I walked four blocks to get to the stop.”
Since when do commuters need to do some secret dance to get a bus to stop other than standing at the goddam bus stop?? And when did bus drivers start trying to instigate argument with downtown commuters?! Usually it’s the other way around: drunks, bums, and rowdy teens picking fights with drivers and other passengers, so I can’t imagine what kind of nightmare it would be to ride the bus through cracktown at 11pm with this idiot behind the wheel—no wonder he’s on the commuter route.
Someone needs to tell this a-hole that he’s wasting his energy trying to “train” his passengers to respond in any particular way to his approaching bus. He needs to just drive the damn bus and stop at every corner that is populated by motionless humans. He also needs to hear from his supervisor that most of the downtown-bound commuters ride the bus because their employers flip most, or all, of the bill for the outrageous monthly express fare, which has resulted in the highest ridership in twenty years. He should be made aware that if he keeps up the crappy attitude and his little power plays ridership will fall, freeway congestion will increase, and he could be laid off.
Nearly every day he does something to piss me off, but it’s so petty I can’t call the bus company about it because they’ll tell me to piss up a rope. Every morning we all stand waiting at the bus stop sign at the beginning of the block, and even though the stop is at the beginning of the block, he just blows right past everyone and stops near the end of the block. Granted it’s only like 200 feet, but then everyone has to rush to the door so he won’t drive away without us. All along the route to the freeway he drives right past people waiting at bus stops who have to frantically flag him down, and then he slams on the breaks and people have to go running after him.
It was just this morning that I realized that it wasn’t just me being irritable at the crack of dawn. He nearly missed a stop (again) where a lone commuter was standing at the sign for the bus stop with his brief case in hand at the end of a residential street. When the bus came to a quick halt, the commuter boarded, and the bus driver had the nerve to say, “Man, you need to make an effort.” To which the ticked-off rider replied, “I did, I walked four blocks to get to the stop.”
Since when do commuters need to do some secret dance to get a bus to stop other than standing at the goddam bus stop?? And when did bus drivers start trying to instigate argument with downtown commuters?! Usually it’s the other way around: drunks, bums, and rowdy teens picking fights with drivers and other passengers, so I can’t imagine what kind of nightmare it would be to ride the bus through cracktown at 11pm with this idiot behind the wheel—no wonder he’s on the commuter route.
Someone needs to tell this a-hole that he’s wasting his energy trying to “train” his passengers to respond in any particular way to his approaching bus. He needs to just drive the damn bus and stop at every corner that is populated by motionless humans. He also needs to hear from his supervisor that most of the downtown-bound commuters ride the bus because their employers flip most, or all, of the bill for the outrageous monthly express fare, which has resulted in the highest ridership in twenty years. He should be made aware that if he keeps up the crappy attitude and his little power plays ridership will fall, freeway congestion will increase, and he could be laid off.
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Pacaderm-o-philia
My weekend sucked and I’m fried.
I hardly slept last night and I woke up dreaming that I had a pet elephant. WHAT is going on in my head? I feel overwhelmed in general, and I’m trying to get a handle on my life, which is spinning out of control. Let’s consult a dream dictionary and see what pacaderms represent…
“They are associated with terms like wisdom, memory and the power of persistence. Overall is a very positive dream that will bring you dignity and distinction.”
Ha! Right… Next!
“Seeing an elephant in your dream is great luck, signifying that you are laying a solid groundwork for wealth and success. You will have power, strength and prosperity. If you feed an elephant in your dream, you will elevate yourself in your community through your kindness. To dream of riding on the elephant signifies good news from afar, but to dream that you fell off while riding it suggests enemies are looking to harm you.”
Well, ok then, maybe I’m doing something right. Then again, I think at one point the elephant jumped off the roof. Sabotaging my potential?? I have been known to do such things…
(http://www.cybersalt.org)
I hardly slept last night and I woke up dreaming that I had a pet elephant. WHAT is going on in my head? I feel overwhelmed in general, and I’m trying to get a handle on my life, which is spinning out of control. Let’s consult a dream dictionary and see what pacaderms represent…
“They are associated with terms like wisdom, memory and the power of persistence. Overall is a very positive dream that will bring you dignity and distinction.”
Ha! Right… Next!
“Seeing an elephant in your dream is great luck, signifying that you are laying a solid groundwork for wealth and success. You will have power, strength and prosperity. If you feed an elephant in your dream, you will elevate yourself in your community through your kindness. To dream of riding on the elephant signifies good news from afar, but to dream that you fell off while riding it suggests enemies are looking to harm you.”
Well, ok then, maybe I’m doing something right. Then again, I think at one point the elephant jumped off the roof. Sabotaging my potential?? I have been known to do such things…
(http://www.cybersalt.org)
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