Runaway

I decided to steal a day for myself alone today. I had a really rough night last night due to some drunken relative drama. I have an emotional hangover today. Last night there was all kinds of yelling and freaking out, and I wish I could tell you I took the high road, but I got caught up in it. My poor Hubby was utterly traumatized, it was coming at him from all directions. As I sped away toward home on my bike there were squads racing down the street--were those for us?? My stomach was in knots all night and when I woke up they were still there. So I said to myself, "fuck all this bullshit I just need a day alone." And I called in to work.

As I was getting ready to go out and screw off all day I got an apology call, which made it a little better. I held my ground on my decision to not come around anymore if there's going to be drinking. Unfortunately there is a family birthday party coming up this weekend and I've been promised a sober cohort. We'll see I guess...

I hate alcohol. I never see it do any good for anyone. It changes people's personalities and makes them grandiose unto themselves, it causes outbursts of magnified hurt feelings, it makes people stupid and cruel. Quitting drinking was the best thing I ever did for myself, but my family resents me for it (last night I was actually accused of being PERSECUTING!). When I find that I need to excuse or exclude myself from an evening, or try to plan something that isn't a kegger or BYOB they think I'm a snot. And heaven forbid I should remind my husband more than once that he's promised to keep it together for the night! "Oh Crass, just leave him alone, he's having fun. Get off his back." Yeah? And if he gets fired for showing up to work drunk are you going to pay his fuckin' rent? I didn't think so, now shut the fuck up.

See what I mean? I take the bait every time.

I really needed today to just run away from home. I feel guilty for calling in sick, but it's my first time in the 5 months I've been there so I think they'll be ok. After I dropped Hubby off at work I cleaned out the car, packed up the computer and drove out to a small college town a ways down the highway. I haven't decided if I'm going to tell Hubby where I took the car today.

I spent a considerable amount of time down here during my juvenile years and I kinda missed the place. It's more crowded and busy than I remember, but mostly it's the same. I'm going to pack it up and take a walk around in a little bit here, check out the antique stores and boutiques I never went to as a carousing teenager. Maybe I'll see a familiar face... Ah, I doubt it.