Economic Tips for Hard Times OR eat Your Heart Out Suze Orman

Even with the economy being in the dumps and jobs being scrapped in the tens of thousands per month, the company I work seems to be weathering all of this ok (knock wood/laminated particle board). I think all of their "margin improvement" strategies are paying off. Here are some things my employer is doing to save money:

Office supplies? What office supplies? It's BYO from here on out.

There is no such thing as a free lunch, literally.

No need to heat the bathrooms, we're only taking off our pants.

Two sick days have been revoked.

We are doing twice the work with half the staff.

I am doing my best not to drown in a sea of ennui regarding the economic blitzkrieg wrought upon us by deregulation and corruption (aka the subprime mortgage crisis). Here are some things I am doing to pitch in and do my part to shore up the economy:

I am spending (hemorrhaging) money like it is going out of style; new phones, new nails, Xmas presents, a TV, game system, and a massage.

I am taking a class so that I will be certified to take a second job wiping drooly geriatric chins (among other things) so that I can then throw my supplemental income directly into the failing auto industry and buy myself my own car.

I am helping to send my spouse through a technical training program for two years so that in the future he will be able to adequately participate in our spending frenzy.

"How," you ask, "Do you stay afloat with all that spending?" Glad you asked, my friend. It's called "debt," and anyone can get into it if they try hard enough--or even if they don't. It's a process by which you are allowed to take merchandise home that you have not yet paid for, without being prosecuted for shoplifting. My spouse and I, for instance, have in our possession many items that we have yet to pay for and we enjoy them very much. Even so, we do have a tendency to bring home new items before the previously acquired items have been paid for, which appears to be a mild side effect of "debt." The only time this practice becomes dangerous is when a member of the household is rendered jobless, in which case homelessness can ensue. Hence my concern around the financial health of my present employer...