Sit On It, Wipe It, Flush It Down

I'm working in a building partly inhabited by people who are not properly toilet trained.  Every time I walk into a ladies' room on some floor other than the one I work on, I have to evaluate several stalls like I'm Goldilocks; this one's too poop-smeared, this one's too pissed on, this one's too clogged with fifty paper seat covers... Ah, this one's just right because the goddamn door doesn't close.  Corporate life is the shit!  That was a pun...