Her question led me to ponder my life and how grateful I am for the people who have passed through my life and made me see things differently. Here was my response to her question:
It is my firm belief that anyone who's ever managed to "pick themselves up by their bootstraps" has only managed to do so if they have a pair of boots. To get anywhere in life, you need a hand up. Some people are lucky and are born into families where the hand up is simply a way of life and they take it for granted to the point where they believe they are entitled to every hand up that comes their way.
Not I. I was born to an unfortunate high school student who'd never even had sex. My conception was not so much immaculate as it was simply highly improbable--you can call it toeing the line I guess, which all teenagers do. Anyway, my sixteen year old mother was the daughter of a raging abusive alcoholic, the youngest of four, and their family's resources were sparse.
I grew up seeing my mom in and out of many relationships, four marriages, and having five more babies along the way with a total of four different men. I was given all the necessary tools to build myself a life of single motherhood in a trailer park.
But in high school, after dating a bunch of guys who already had rap sheets piled up an inch thick, I decided I wanted to date a nice boring type of guy for once, and I found one who took a chance on me, much to his parents' dismay.
He lived on the good side of town in a modest house, and was the son of a tenured college professor and registered nurse. For his parents, college wasn't negotiable--he was going and that was it. I, on the other hand had never even considered it--and, in fact, had just returned to regular day school after a stint working days and going to night school trying to get myself emancipated and out of my crazy house. Anyway, I wanted to impress his aloof parents so I got their help to show me how a person goes about getting themselves to college.
I bought a book about the ACT test and self-studied. I scored high enough on the test to get into a community college. I applied for student aid and was eligible for a shitload of loans, which I used to help pay my rent in tandem with my working part time. A year later my grades were good enough to transfer to the University.
But after going to school part time for three years, the boy and I broke up and I went back to my roots. I became a drunk and a big-time slut. I slept around with most of the ex-boyfriend's friends. I couldn't hold a job or pay my bills, so I made myself extra trampy-looking to get free drinks when I went out, which was like five times a week. After a couple years of that, I ended up working at a coffee shop with a real young girl who was in "the program" and convinced me to go to AA.
So now it's seven years later, I haven't drank since, I graduated college, I managed not to get pregnant (luck, not caution), and I married a sweet, gentle guy who is sometimes a boloney sandwich.
Whenever people try to give me credit for being a self-made woman despite my unfortunate circumstances, I just blow them off because I know that if I hadn't been driven to impress some high school boy's snooty parents, I highly doubt I would have pursued this life. But I sure am glad I did!!
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