I Passed! Too Bad You Didint!

Psyche! I kicked that test's ASS!

I haven't had time to write so you don't know about all the crazy foolish lazy a-holes that were hired along with me. Call me a dick, but I'm glad they didn't pass. A bunch of people were hired who I'd swear had never worked a job before! These are adults who, within three weeks, were already having attendence and behavior problems. By week five they had to be separated and assigned seating in different areas. WTF?

Then there was a real creepy guy who sat in the corner of the room and was always trying to give away his potato chips. One day I hopped on the computer next to his and he kept asking me for help with his test questions and benefits enrollment. I tried to be helpful until I realized he didn't really want help so much as he wanted attention. After I started giving one word answers to give him the hint that I was done "helping" him, he offered me his damn potato chips. I looked over and asked him why he brings potato chips every day if he doesn't want them. Of course instead of just saying he doesn't pack his own lunch or some such other minimal-disclosure explanation, he says, "I live in a half-way house." HELLO! TMI!! I was caught off guard, but thought, well maybe he's new in recovery or something. So I asked. Nope. That was IT for me, end of discussion: there is only ONE other kind of half-way house boys and girls--and that's halfway between prison and the outside world! He said something offhand about he used to have some pretty bad neighbors, but like I said, at that point I had already closed the door, so the only response he got was "uh-hm."

After that I just ignored him and figured that was the end of the story. 'Course not. I don't have that kind of karma. About two weeks later he comes over and sits next to me while I'm taking a computer test (because that was what we were all SUPPOSED to be doing with our work days) and says, "Hey, uh Patricia." My name is not Patricia. When he noticed that I didn't so much as flicker my lashes in response he said, "Oh, I-uh, sorry, what was your name again?" So I not so graciously reintroduced myself to him. "Say, I have a question for you." I thought, aw shit! Don't ask me out don't ask me out! He was starting to blush a little at the bottom of his cheeks, and he asked, "Can I borrow a hundred dollars till Monday?" Holy shit, are you fucking kidding me buddy?! No! No you cannot borrow any money. You all know I'm a pussy, so you won't be surprised to hear that what came out of my mouth was more along the lines of "Sorry I can't because..." I should mention that he was asking for money the day before pay day. And he wanted to pay me back Monday? What's up with this guy? Happily, I will never know because he failed his Series 7 exam and henceforth will no longer be employed where I work.