Saturday, January 27, 2007
Can I Get a What-What!
Since i've been studying like crazy i haven't lost any weight in like three or four weeks, so i feel like i need to give myself some cred. Here is my photo montage from October to January:
Linka72 asked, "Who Upgraded You?"
Her question led me to ponder my life and how grateful I am for the people who have passed through my life and made me see things differently. Here was my response to her question:
It is my firm belief that anyone who's ever managed to "pick themselves up by their bootstraps" has only managed to do so if they have a pair of boots. To get anywhere in life, you need a hand up. Some people are lucky and are born into families where the hand up is simply a way of life and they take it for granted to the point where they believe they are entitled to every hand up that comes their way.
Not I. I was born to an unfortunate high school student who'd never even had sex. My conception was not so much immaculate as it was simply highly improbable--you can call it toeing the line I guess, which all teenagers do. Anyway, my sixteen year old mother was the daughter of a raging abusive alcoholic, the youngest of four, and their family's resources were sparse.
I grew up seeing my mom in and out of many relationships, four marriages, and having five more babies along the way with a total of four different men. I was given all the necessary tools to build myself a life of single motherhood in a trailer park.
But in high school, after dating a bunch of guys who already had rap sheets piled up an inch thick, I decided I wanted to date a nice boring type of guy for once, and I found one who took a chance on me, much to his parents' dismay.
He lived on the good side of town in a modest house, and was the son of a tenured college professor and registered nurse. For his parents, college wasn't negotiable--he was going and that was it. I, on the other hand had never even considered it--and, in fact, had just returned to regular day school after a stint working days and going to night school trying to get myself emancipated and out of my crazy house. Anyway, I wanted to impress his aloof parents so I got their help to show me how a person goes about getting themselves to college.
I bought a book about the ACT test and self-studied. I scored high enough on the test to get into a community college. I applied for student aid and was eligible for a shitload of loans, which I used to help pay my rent in tandem with my working part time. A year later my grades were good enough to transfer to the University.
But after going to school part time for three years, the boy and I broke up and I went back to my roots. I became a drunk and a big-time slut. I slept around with most of the ex-boyfriend's friends. I couldn't hold a job or pay my bills, so I made myself extra trampy-looking to get free drinks when I went out, which was like five times a week. After a couple years of that, I ended up working at a coffee shop with a real young girl who was in "the program" and convinced me to go to AA.
So now it's seven years later, I haven't drank since, I graduated college, I managed not to get pregnant (luck, not caution), and I married a sweet, gentle guy who is sometimes a boloney sandwich.
Whenever people try to give me credit for being a self-made woman despite my unfortunate circumstances, I just blow them off because I know that if I hadn't been driven to impress some high school boy's snooty parents, I highly doubt I would have pursued this life. But I sure am glad I did!!
It is my firm belief that anyone who's ever managed to "pick themselves up by their bootstraps" has only managed to do so if they have a pair of boots. To get anywhere in life, you need a hand up. Some people are lucky and are born into families where the hand up is simply a way of life and they take it for granted to the point where they believe they are entitled to every hand up that comes their way.
Not I. I was born to an unfortunate high school student who'd never even had sex. My conception was not so much immaculate as it was simply highly improbable--you can call it toeing the line I guess, which all teenagers do. Anyway, my sixteen year old mother was the daughter of a raging abusive alcoholic, the youngest of four, and their family's resources were sparse.
I grew up seeing my mom in and out of many relationships, four marriages, and having five more babies along the way with a total of four different men. I was given all the necessary tools to build myself a life of single motherhood in a trailer park.
But in high school, after dating a bunch of guys who already had rap sheets piled up an inch thick, I decided I wanted to date a nice boring type of guy for once, and I found one who took a chance on me, much to his parents' dismay.
He lived on the good side of town in a modest house, and was the son of a tenured college professor and registered nurse. For his parents, college wasn't negotiable--he was going and that was it. I, on the other hand had never even considered it--and, in fact, had just returned to regular day school after a stint working days and going to night school trying to get myself emancipated and out of my crazy house. Anyway, I wanted to impress his aloof parents so I got their help to show me how a person goes about getting themselves to college.
I bought a book about the ACT test and self-studied. I scored high enough on the test to get into a community college. I applied for student aid and was eligible for a shitload of loans, which I used to help pay my rent in tandem with my working part time. A year later my grades were good enough to transfer to the University.
But after going to school part time for three years, the boy and I broke up and I went back to my roots. I became a drunk and a big-time slut. I slept around with most of the ex-boyfriend's friends. I couldn't hold a job or pay my bills, so I made myself extra trampy-looking to get free drinks when I went out, which was like five times a week. After a couple years of that, I ended up working at a coffee shop with a real young girl who was in "the program" and convinced me to go to AA.
So now it's seven years later, I haven't drank since, I graduated college, I managed not to get pregnant (luck, not caution), and I married a sweet, gentle guy who is sometimes a boloney sandwich.
Whenever people try to give me credit for being a self-made woman despite my unfortunate circumstances, I just blow them off because I know that if I hadn't been driven to impress some high school boy's snooty parents, I highly doubt I would have pursued this life. But I sure am glad I did!!
I Passed! Too Bad You Didint!
Psyche! I kicked that test's ASS!
I haven't had time to write so you don't know about all the crazy foolish lazy a-holes that were hired along with me. Call me a dick, but I'm glad they didn't pass. A bunch of people were hired who I'd swear had never worked a job before! These are adults who, within three weeks, were already having attendence and behavior problems. By week five they had to be separated and assigned seating in different areas. WTF?
Then there was a real creepy guy who sat in the corner of the room and was always trying to give away his potato chips. One day I hopped on the computer next to his and he kept asking me for help with his test questions and benefits enrollment. I tried to be helpful until I realized he didn't really want help so much as he wanted attention. After I started giving one word answers to give him the hint that I was done "helping" him, he offered me his damn potato chips. I looked over and asked him why he brings potato chips every day if he doesn't want them. Of course instead of just saying he doesn't pack his own lunch or some such other minimal-disclosure explanation, he says, "I live in a half-way house." HELLO! TMI!! I was caught off guard, but thought, well maybe he's new in recovery or something. So I asked. Nope. That was IT for me, end of discussion: there is only ONE other kind of half-way house boys and girls--and that's halfway between prison and the outside world! He said something offhand about he used to have some pretty bad neighbors, but like I said, at that point I had already closed the door, so the only response he got was "uh-hm."
After that I just ignored him and figured that was the end of the story. 'Course not. I don't have that kind of karma. About two weeks later he comes over and sits next to me while I'm taking a computer test (because that was what we were all SUPPOSED to be doing with our work days) and says, "Hey, uh Patricia." My name is not Patricia. When he noticed that I didn't so much as flicker my lashes in response he said, "Oh, I-uh, sorry, what was your name again?" So I not so graciously reintroduced myself to him. "Say, I have a question for you." I thought, aw shit! Don't ask me out don't ask me out! He was starting to blush a little at the bottom of his cheeks, and he asked, "Can I borrow a hundred dollars till Monday?" Holy shit, are you fucking kidding me buddy?! No! No you cannot borrow any money. You all know I'm a pussy, so you won't be surprised to hear that what came out of my mouth was more along the lines of "Sorry I can't because..." I should mention that he was asking for money the day before pay day. And he wanted to pay me back Monday? What's up with this guy? Happily, I will never know because he failed his Series 7 exam and henceforth will no longer be employed where I work.
I haven't had time to write so you don't know about all the crazy foolish lazy a-holes that were hired along with me. Call me a dick, but I'm glad they didn't pass. A bunch of people were hired who I'd swear had never worked a job before! These are adults who, within three weeks, were already having attendence and behavior problems. By week five they had to be separated and assigned seating in different areas. WTF?
Then there was a real creepy guy who sat in the corner of the room and was always trying to give away his potato chips. One day I hopped on the computer next to his and he kept asking me for help with his test questions and benefits enrollment. I tried to be helpful until I realized he didn't really want help so much as he wanted attention. After I started giving one word answers to give him the hint that I was done "helping" him, he offered me his damn potato chips. I looked over and asked him why he brings potato chips every day if he doesn't want them. Of course instead of just saying he doesn't pack his own lunch or some such other minimal-disclosure explanation, he says, "I live in a half-way house." HELLO! TMI!! I was caught off guard, but thought, well maybe he's new in recovery or something. So I asked. Nope. That was IT for me, end of discussion: there is only ONE other kind of half-way house boys and girls--and that's halfway between prison and the outside world! He said something offhand about he used to have some pretty bad neighbors, but like I said, at that point I had already closed the door, so the only response he got was "uh-hm."
After that I just ignored him and figured that was the end of the story. 'Course not. I don't have that kind of karma. About two weeks later he comes over and sits next to me while I'm taking a computer test (because that was what we were all SUPPOSED to be doing with our work days) and says, "Hey, uh Patricia." My name is not Patricia. When he noticed that I didn't so much as flicker my lashes in response he said, "Oh, I-uh, sorry, what was your name again?" So I not so graciously reintroduced myself to him. "Say, I have a question for you." I thought, aw shit! Don't ask me out don't ask me out! He was starting to blush a little at the bottom of his cheeks, and he asked, "Can I borrow a hundred dollars till Monday?" Holy shit, are you fucking kidding me buddy?! No! No you cannot borrow any money. You all know I'm a pussy, so you won't be surprised to hear that what came out of my mouth was more along the lines of "Sorry I can't because..." I should mention that he was asking for money the day before pay day. And he wanted to pay me back Monday? What's up with this guy? Happily, I will never know because he failed his Series 7 exam and henceforth will no longer be employed where I work.
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Incommunicado
I'm going a little crazy from not having access to a computer at work. This past week I spent 40 hours listening to a guy from Kaplan lecture on things we need to know to pass this crazy series 7 exam that I'm cooking my brain trying to prepare for. So if anyone actually does read my ramblings, this is why I am incommunicado. Here I go to study some more... But do ya know that if I pass this thing, I will NEVER have to work at the mall or a coffee shop EVER AGAIN!
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