Regular

I never used to watch television. I had a really crappy TV so I would just go to friends' houses and watch movies, and at home I would read and listen to music or do some kind of crafty project. I would journal, go out for coffee in the afternoon, walk around aimlessly. At night I would go to the bar--sometimes with a friend, sometimes by myself. I would get shitfaced drunk and walk home through the alleys in case I had to pee. Sometimes I wouldn't go back to my home, sometimes I would go home, but not alone. Other times I would go home alone and then call someone for company. Mostly I was drunk and slutty.

Now I drink coffee in the morning before work, I read on the train, I listen to music while I do the dishes, I do crafts with my girlfriends, and walk to get myself around. If it is absolutely necessary, I pee at the gas station. I sleep in my own bed every night, make love only with my boyfriend. And I watch TV on my days off.

I never used to think I would be a regular person--the kind that just watches TV and has a regular boyfriend. I was pretty sure I would end up a barfly, hanging on men half my age. I would be a joke, but not funny. The crotch of my hosiery would sink down below the hem of my miniskirt by last call. I was off to a good start: I slept with friends of my ex-boyfriend, I slept with ex-boyfriends of my friends, I slept with guys who had girlfriends. During one year I even had dated three murderers. Being a regular person was completely outside the realm of possibility.

But at some point I got sick of seeing new people all the time and worrying that I'd forget their name. I got sick of going to work half drunk in the morning and dry heaving before breakfast. I was tired of feeling vaguely guilty every minute of the day, and of occasionally peeing down my leg. I really wanted to just be regular, even if it was boring. After a sort of twilight zone period between those days and these days, I've found that it's really kind of nice, being regular, middle-of-the-road. I'm not a corpse, but I'm not a joke that makes people sad. If I ever miss my old life, I can always just watch TV.