Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Just another winter day
SNOW! I have been in transit for an hour and a half and am still not downtown yet. Regardless of how slow this bus is moving it's better than driving in this crap. Minnesota is known for being hardcore for winter. Well, let it be known: we're so hardcore we don't even plow for rush hour after 6 inches of snow.
I just read the other day that The Weather Channel voted Minneapolis the most persistently cold of all the US cities. We beat Anchorage fucking Alaska!! Pretty cool, huh?! See what I did there?
Sunday, January 12, 2014
I somehow aged 40 years since September
It started with an achy ankle. Then an achy knee. I thought maybe I was sitting in a funny position for too long. But then my other ankle chimed in. And my other knee, my elbows, wrists, knuckles, and shoulders. I'd never eaten so much ibuprofen in my life. My doctor said it was viral arthritis... but I hadn't had a virus. This went on for a month.
The exact minute I stopped feeling like the Tin Man, I started having wheezing and, like, a goose-honking in my chest. I went back to the doc and was told it was bronchitis... and I still hadn't been sick. Whenever I moved around too much I made a wheeeeeeeeee noise. Not as fun as it sounds. Of course I got a nasty cold on top of it too.
Two months later I hesitate to say I'm almost better. When I have a good day, I'm like, "there's something missing..."
So yeah, three months of WTF. And because I am now 40 years older, I feel compelled to talk about the condition of my health all the time. I watch TV in my slippers all day. That is, my husband's slippers. And actually I watch Portlandia on Netflix and YouTube videos of unlikely animal friends. My recent fave is a chocolate lab and an armadillo (http://youtu.be/PREsgySYnBI). Also I sleep a lot. It's pretty much the highlight of my existence lately.
Now that I'm 85% human it's been brutally cold, as in -20F, so I have had -20% interest in leaving the house. The poor dog didn't poop for two days because it was too cold to stay out there long enough to do hi biz. He was so miserable and whiny. I finally took two pairs of my own socks and tied them to his feet with ponytail holders. And I folded my fleece throw, laid it over his back, and pinned it together in the front like a kid's imaginary superhero cape, except brown and fleece. It worked like a charm! Two poops!
This "polar vortex" killed my car battery for a day and a half. It finally warmed up to -9F and my car magically started, but then driving around to charge it up, I realized I couldn't get past 1st gear. The hoses for my transmission fluid cracked and it all leaked out.
Today it finally got up to 30 and it felt like being in the Bahamas! I was suddenly stricken with a major case of cabin fever and HAD to get OUT of the HOUSE!! I pulled myself together, packed up my knitting supplies, and headed for the door and... no keys. My husband moved my car so he could get out of the driveway, and the wanker took my keys with him! I felt trapped and began clawing the walls! Not really, I just decided to walk to the coffee shop. I headed out all defiant and annoyed. The first quarter mile was victory! Then my hubby drove by and picked me up.
I spent the afternoon knitting at the Black Sheep, drinking chai, and eating banana bread while intermittently chatting with my barista friend. Then I went home and knit some more. Now I'm doing this, so we're all caught up.
The exact minute I stopped feeling like the Tin Man, I started having wheezing and, like, a goose-honking in my chest. I went back to the doc and was told it was bronchitis... and I still hadn't been sick. Whenever I moved around too much I made a wheeeeeeeeee noise. Not as fun as it sounds. Of course I got a nasty cold on top of it too.
Two months later I hesitate to say I'm almost better. When I have a good day, I'm like, "there's something missing..."
So yeah, three months of WTF. And because I am now 40 years older, I feel compelled to talk about the condition of my health all the time. I watch TV in my slippers all day. That is, my husband's slippers. And actually I watch Portlandia on Netflix and YouTube videos of unlikely animal friends. My recent fave is a chocolate lab and an armadillo (http://youtu.be/PREsgySYnBI). Also I sleep a lot. It's pretty much the highlight of my existence lately.
Now that I'm 85% human it's been brutally cold, as in -20F, so I have had -20% interest in leaving the house. The poor dog didn't poop for two days because it was too cold to stay out there long enough to do hi biz. He was so miserable and whiny. I finally took two pairs of my own socks and tied them to his feet with ponytail holders. And I folded my fleece throw, laid it over his back, and pinned it together in the front like a kid's imaginary superhero cape, except brown and fleece. It worked like a charm! Two poops!
This "polar vortex" killed my car battery for a day and a half. It finally warmed up to -9F and my car magically started, but then driving around to charge it up, I realized I couldn't get past 1st gear. The hoses for my transmission fluid cracked and it all leaked out.
Today it finally got up to 30 and it felt like being in the Bahamas! I was suddenly stricken with a major case of cabin fever and HAD to get OUT of the HOUSE!! I pulled myself together, packed up my knitting supplies, and headed for the door and... no keys. My husband moved my car so he could get out of the driveway, and the wanker took my keys with him! I felt trapped and began clawing the walls! Not really, I just decided to walk to the coffee shop. I headed out all defiant and annoyed. The first quarter mile was victory! Then my hubby drove by and picked me up.
I spent the afternoon knitting at the Black Sheep, drinking chai, and eating banana bread while intermittently chatting with my barista friend. Then I went home and knit some more. Now I'm doing this, so we're all caught up.
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